I cannot share the whole article, because as an adult comedian, language is not appropriate for this blog… but… this whole article is really funny – “Surviving Whole Foods”
The point of the article is not to simply bash Whole Foods and tell you never to go there. In the video at the bottom of the article where the Huffington Post Interviews her, she mentions she has been going to Whole Foods her whole life, despite the feeling in the article that this might have been a first trip. But she does recognize that there are some unique features to a Whole Foods excursion that might just make you feel a little bit uncomfortable.
My wife has said many times to me as we are walking to the parking lot with our three bags in hand… “Check the receipt, I think they made a mistake.”
“Yeah”, goes the speech bubble in my head, “they made a mistake because they forgot to steal our car in the process”. But seriously, we have added up the receipt many times, wondering where the money went. I admit, and if you have read me for very long, you know I believe in this… red wine. Christ’s first miracle. And don’t tell me it didn’t have time to ferment. Really? He isn’t held down by any other law of physics, or science, but this one somehow stumped Him?
Sorry, back on track. So I like to drink some red wine here and there, and I will tend to fall victim to trying something new that just might have that thick yet smooth taste that I enjoy. (I have been expressing health this past week, so none since last Sunday a week ago… be wise still people) But subtract out the Red Wine, and you will still have sticker shock if you don’t put the brakes on when walking through the store. Honestly, it is possible to shop Whole Foods and pay no more than you would at another grocery store, but you won’t purchase the items that are the lure.
See, the GT’s Kombucha that is referenced in this below excerpt, is cheaper at Whole Foods than at Kroger most of the time. And I love this stuff. Even though my wife has turned my house into a fermentation warehouse for Kombucha (not yeast fermentation mind you… didn’t you notice we have moved on from the wine discussion); I still don’t get quite as excited over her kombucha as I do GT’s. If she doesn’t read this, I might not get cut off from her special recipes. Take a look at Kelly’s response to the Kombucha Display –
The first thing I see is the great wall of kombucha — 42 different kinds of rotten tea. Fun fact: the word kombucha is Japanese for ‘I (peed) in your tea.’ Anyone who’s ever swallowed the glob of mucus at the end of the bottle knows exactly what I’m talking about. I believe this thing is called “The Mother,” which makes it that much creepier.
I found this next piece very funny, and very true. I served on the board of a non-profit for two years where a significant area of focus was on lower income health efforts through education. And the reality is there is no dietary restrictions when you’re simply hungry. Now, I will say, there is high incidence of disease in this group, so the reality is that there should be dietary restriction and change. But this is pretty funny!
Next I see the gluten-free section filled with crackers and bread made from various wheat-substitutes such as cardboard and sawdust. I skip this aisle because I’m not rich enough to have dietary restrictions. Ever notice that you don’t meet poor people with special diet needs? A gluten intolerant house cleaner? A cab driver with Candida? Candida is what I call a rich, white person problem. You know you’ve really made it in this world when you get Candida. My personal theory is that Candida is something you get from too much hot yoga. All I’m saying is if I were a yeast, I would want to live in your yoga pants.
Ha. Yes, that is true, in any environment. Which is one reason why those probiotics in the kombucha are so valuable. 1-2 billion per bottle. If you really want to get serious, jump on an amasai and get that number up to 80 – 100 billion per bottle. The link lets you get it frozen shipped home. I recommend you try it frozen… delicious.
One other great observation that this comedian makes. Is ow lucrative the supplement market can be in a whole foods. I have noticed, while perusing their aisles, at the relative rate at which money is spent in that part of the store. It can be very significant. Handful of people every half hour, but $40-$100 is common per person.
Next I come to the vitamin aisle which is a danger zone for any broke hypochondriac. Warning: Whole Foods keeps their best people in this section. Although you think she’s a homeless person at first, that vitamin clerk is an ex-pharmaceuticals sales rep. Today she talks me into buying estrogen for my mystery mustache and Women’s Acidophilus because apparently I DO have Candida after all.
Read the full article to understand the mustache. But I do want to remind you of the first focus in nutritional healing being what you eat. Eat more vegetables first, then supplement where needed. And start with Juice Plus – it is a great easy and affordable way to avoid spending $200 at whole foods in the vitamin Aisle!
Enjoy your next Whole Foods Visit!
Be well and Be blessed! - Dr. E